This is the Essay I wrote for my English102 class!It hasn't been graded yet, so i hope it was alright!
Emily Zilles
English 102
September 28, 2009
The Purchase of Happiness
There are many claims to happiness in the world today. “Drink this and it will put a smile on your face”, “eat this…lose 50 pounds in two weeks and you’ll be happy because you will look like this”! “Vacation in this place surrounded by this beautiful scenery and you’ll be happy like these people”. It’s surprising the number of solutions there are that promise happiness. Do we really know what creates happiness? My question is the same as Joshua Shenk’s, a researcher of happiness who asks, “Is there a formula? Some sort of mix of love, work, and physiological adaptation for a good life [and being happy]”(1)? Isn’t it true however, after you’ve eaten that delicious shake, and in deed it did put a momentary smile on your face, the shake or the vacation, or the fifty pounds lost aren’t really what make you happy or unhappy in the end? There seems to be a hidden secret in our culture that each of us strives to obtain. One might ask, why do certain people seem so happy, where as others appear absolutely miserable?
Leaf Van Boven another noted researcher whose focus is happiness remarked that “materialistic aspirations are negatively associated with happiness” (132). I agree with him and conclude that the only thing that truly matters in life and leads to lasting happiness are your relationships with other people. In my review of the literature, I’ve discovered many different views of happiness. I’ve decided that the majority of people can be divided into two groups. There are those that seem to think that increased affluence or acquiring material possessions will increase happiness. On the other side there are those that believe that long lasting relationships with other people (or any relationship for that matter) will increase their likelihood of self satisfaction, leading to genuine happiness.
If proven that lasting relationships generate happiness, and according to Jon Meyer that “wealth above middle class comfort makes little difference to our happiness” (402), then why does society in general focus more on the materialistic things of life? This question is answered by Van Boven who states, “Lower levels of well-being [self-esteem, happiness, contentment] cause people to be materialistic, failing to find inner sources of happiness, they may turn to external gratification” (133). This makes complete sense; if a person has failed to find a satisfying relationship he or she may turn to something a little easier to please or something that helps “enhance” their external well-being. At the same time that person may still be fighting the inner turmoil that can’t be satisfied with any amount of money or luxury. To cover up one’s loneliness and disappointment, Van Boven summarizes that sometimes we focus more on “having” and we forget about “being” someone (132).
It seems as stated by David G. Meyers that; “the modern… dream seems to have become life, liberty, and the purchase of happiness” (58). When asked however, most people would state that they would rather have a lasting relationship than material possessions. Sometimes in the daily struggles of life, we get hurt and discouraged and often cover up with an easy way out like, buying a new pair of shoes, a chocolate shake, a new truck, or a T.V. These things, these material possessions, will only provide momentary happiness.
How then do those who seem to have absolutely nothing, (materialistically speaking) wake up in the morning full of gratitude for life, with faith that the sunshine will bring a good day and a brimming smile on their faces? In the jungles of Ecuador, a possible answer to this question may have been found. In the pueblo “La Y” the people live in complete isolation. It takes seven hours just to travel to the nearest city. Getting to “La Y” you must catch a ranchera, or camioneta (small truck) and pay to be taken in. The villagers have no vehicles or other means of modern transportation. They live as if in the eighteenth century, carrying things by mule or on their backs. Their houses are one room huts built of bamboo and supported on stilts to protect them from the floods. They collect water every day from the rain and use this same water to bathe, cook, drink, etc. A cell phone is unheard of, and the concept of internet is too confusing. Instead of gathering around the television at night, taking their boat out on the lake, or bowling with the Wii, they sit as a family outside their hut conversing about their day, and just enjoying each other’s company.
The people of “La Y” live simple lives, with simple pleasures. The only thing that matters to them are their families. The people of “La Y” who have basically no material wealth besides the clothes on their backs, seem to want nothing more than what is right in front of them, their families. They have absolutely no material possessions, and yet when asked, they are happy. They are happy to serve, they are happy to love, and they are happy to be living. It is possible that the reason for this is because they don’t know any different, but is that really a bad thing? To them their families are the most important possession in the world. They would die defending them; this is an example of a lasting relationship, one that continues even after death. Perhaps this is the secret, what we are all looking for; a life lived in simplicity away from materialistic influences.
The materialistic world is a competitive one. As soon as one gets something new and shiny their neighbor will get it too, but newer and shinier, hence there is an increase in the possibility of disappointment. However in relationships, one’s chances of disappointment decrease. If we spent the same amount of time increasing our relationships as we do polishing our new shiny truck, perhaps we would see a difference in the amount of happy people in the world.
Each person’s life is not equal, in that we all come from different backgrounds. However, most happy people report to be close to someone- and this relationship makes them happy. Examples of gratifying relationships could be: friends, family, significant others, or a Supreme Being. When a happy person is asked what would make them happier, most respond with answers such as an even bigger increase in lasting relationships. When an un-happy person is asked why they aren’t happy, they usually indicate a lack of a meaningful relationship, and desire one that is lasting and real.
During the past few weeks I have taken random surveys with friends and acquaintances to try to determine true sources of happiness. The survey was short, simple, and to the point. After stating their age they were asked to respond yes or no to the question, “are you happy”? If they answered yes, I followed with a probe question, what makes you happy? If they answered no, I asked them what would make them happy? To both, I asked, what would make you happier? Lastly I asked, if given the choice between a material possession and a lasting relationship which would you choose? In the thirty responses I received back, all respondents answered that they were happy. Reasons for this happiness were simple; relationships with husbands, children, parents, best friends, girl friends/ boy friends, room mates, siblings, and God. I found it interesting that the things that made them happiest were their simple relationships. The things that would make them happier were the material possessions, a new bike, an engagement ring, a new truck, a job (which would lead to financial security), good food, chocolate, etc. However when asked which they would prefer, material possessions or a lasting relationship, lasting relationships were the answer every time. This survey although not large, indicates that happy people are happy because of the relationships they enjoy. Material possessions would just be a little icing on the cake to an already happy person’s life.
Relationships increase security and give a sense of meaning to life. One has more to live for than just one’s self. Jon Meyers supports this idea by saying “a mountain of data reveal that most people are happier when attached than when unattached” (62). Whomever it is you’re attached to is irrelevant, but having someone else to live for increases happiness. He also says, “those who enjoy close relationships cope better with various stresses...compared with those [who have] few social ties. People supported by close relationships with friends, family, or fellow members of church, work, or other support groups are [also] less vulnerable to ill health and premature death.” (Meyers 62)
Many studies and surveys demonstrate that happy people are surrounded by relationships. Through out a 72 year long study done with students from Harvard University it was concluded that, “it is social aptitude, not intellectual brilliance or parental social class that leads to successful aging, warm connections are necessary…the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships with other people” (Shenk 11).
An unknown source once said, “The secret to having it all, is believing that you do”. The same principle rings true for happiness agrees Meyers, who says; “if you think and say you’re happy than you are” (57). “Happy people … are more loving, forgiving, trusting, energetic, decisive, creative, sociable, and helpful” (Meyers 58). It is intriguing to note that although people momentarily want materialistic advantages, Van Boven concludes, “increases in material goods are not met with corresponding increases in happiness” (132). Meyers adds, however those who report to have close family members and friends are happy. (57)
Demonstrated through living examples and years of research the answer that leads people to lasting happiness isn’t the vacation to the beach, or the new flat screen television. The chocolate shake only brought on lasting calories, and the truck rusted with age. The possession, purchase, or investment that created the most happiness, wasn’t a material possession at all, but a meaningful relationship.
